Tuesday, October 21, 2008


It's like someone took him in for some body work but didn't want to spend the extra money to make sure the paint matched. Just like that beat-up '91 Honda Civic down the street. And what's with the one weird greensleeve?

Friday, October 17, 2008

Fat Kid in Little Shorts

I watched this walk by while enjoying a mango-raspberry smoothie in Lewiston, NY.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Inappropriate Accessories

In case you can't tell, that's a shiny pink lip-shaped purse sitting on the table next to that 50 year old woman wearing a Packers sweatshirt. Immediately after sitting down she arranged her collection of small clay figurines on the table between her and her companion.

Monday, September 8, 2008

This is a confessional post. Last weekend I took the bus to Chicago. At Union Station I crossed paths with a woman in a full bodysuit. Made of all denim. Two blocks later I passed a man wearing a 2 piece suit. Also made of all denim. I should have 2 pictures to prove it. I'm sorry.

Kamo Kilt

This man chose to accessorize his camouflage kilt with black combat boots, an ugly nylon jacket, and an over-the-shoulder camera bag. Unfortunate. For him and his family. What's really scary is that this is what he wore to an opera concert. What does he look like normally?

Also, Skoczen's not wearing a skirt. Believe it or not, those are pants.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Bra Strap Abandonment

Lucia helped me get over our team's tragic first round loss in the Flip Cup Tourney last night by pointing out fashion blunders.

Other coping mechanisms included throwing stuff off the balcony and drinking (alot) more beer.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Sea Creature Inspired Shorts

Apologies for the arm blocking these awful sea creature inspired shorts. This unfortunate fashion disaster was caught on a rare outing to Georgetown, usually frequented by much of DC's douchey elitist crowd as described in this revealing article.

As can be seen, southern frat-inspired clothing is still alive and well in the real world. If it had been the 80's, this guy would have likely been wearing croakies for his Ray Ban sunglasses worn to the bar.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Where to start?

This man may indeed have no hope. Unfortunately, I was not able to get a good angle to take a pic from the front of this bleu ensemble, which featured the hideous blue shirt you see here unbuttoned to the third button - you could almost see his man nipples.

First of all, blue shirt on light blue jeans - no, don't do that. Second, this man has no belt - that's just wrong in so many ways. Third, the light wash on those jeans went out the door in the early 90's. Fourth, fit, fit, fit! This guy is wearing sizes meant for people way bigger than him - the shoulder seams are near the upper part of his arms, and the jeans (without the belt) are on the verge of falling down. Also, his jeans look like they're meant to sack potatoes.

This guy thought he was the shit from the look on his face, and after this fateful image was snapped, he proceeded to play pool with a George W'esque smirk.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Two chairs instead of one.

A little junk in the trunk is good. Mos def makes reference to the pros of the fat booty, "an ass so fat you could see it from the front", but I think this one is going a little overboard. She was apparently eating wings, potato skins and various other ass -expanding foods at the time.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Male Jean Shorts

Location: Miller Park, Milwaukee, WI.
Photographer(s): Katie and friends
Offense: jean shorts, circa 1991.
Comments: It's not that all jean shorts are bad. Some are trendy cut-off bermuda shorts worn by girls. Others are little booty shorts worn by girls. But these aren't those. And they're not on a girl.

More examples of jean shorts gone terribly terribly wrong, courtesy of JD.

Monday, June 16, 2008

White and Brown make Beige

This delightful specimen was spotted recently in Cherry Hill, NJ at the IRA Regatta. It's uncertain whether or not this man makes a habit of wearing crisp white crew socks with his loafers on a regular basis or if this was done in some misbegotten attempt to fit in while in The Dirty Jers' and/or at a crew regatta. Unfortunately, based on his general confidence level and nonchalant stride, I suspect this is a common footwear choice for him. Also, I think he's probably from Long Island. I just got that feeling. Regardless, don't wear white socks with your brown (or black) shoes. Wherever you are. Alex, I'm looking at you.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Happy Couple

This couple was spotted wandering the Allentown service station on the Pennsylvania turnpike Friday afternoon. Things that they should not be wearing:
1. fanny packs
2. glasses around their neck
3. those sandals
4. that hair-do
5. shirts that make you look like a watermelon

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Urban Cowboy Hipster Chimera.

I don't think there is really anything else to say.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


It's not that I'm against girls showing shoulders. I am against the off-the-shoulder sweatshirt though. If she had cut the neck out of this sweater herself I would have asked for Irene Cara's autograph. But she actually bought it that way. It's also nice that her friend chose to class up the joint by wearing a plain white t-shirt. Oh what a feeling.

Don't Accessorize Your Sausage Arms

Why would you do this to yourself?

That stretchy armlet would have gotten her up here regardless, but the little squeeze of her arm fat just ices my cake. And I suspect her cupcake as well.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Island Wear

Except when on a desert island, or other authentically outdoorsy excursion, this assemblage of tourist chic should not be worn. Trail shoes should stay on the trail. Unzippable legs are acceptable only when the possibility of wading through a body of water is likely. Tank tops are fine actually.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Popping the frat collar, as a young professional

Apologies for the low-quality picture. This was taken at a bar after I chased the guy down the stairs, with considerable risk to myself as his arms were bigger than my head and I don't think he'd have appreciated a guy trying to photograph him with a cell phone cam.

This gentleman is still living his fratboy glory days: rocking a pink pastel polo shirt with the collar popped up. Not that that look is necesarily acceptable during college, but there is some safety in numbers with a fraternity's fellow meatheads. Additionally, you can't underestimate the effects of repeated kegstands and beer bongs on mental processing power.

Unfortunately for this ex-fratboy, there aren't any undergrads around at this yuppie bar to help him blend in.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

you shouldn't wear...

your child as an accessory.

I took this today at the ultimate yuppie hangout, blue back square, while on my way to eat burritos and drink 1.99 beer. I saw this small child pulling his leash taut and I just couldn't help but take a picture. Schuyler did a nice job as my wingman as I snapped the photo. He almost looks defiant; I am waiting for him to pull out a pair of child safe scissors and set himself free.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sock Wedgies

The combination of sock & sandal comes in a variety of incarnations: Birkenstock, Teva, and the dreaded thong. As we see here, both the undergarment and the footwear versions result in a perma-wedgie. The saddest part of this picture is not the unrepentant nature of the wearer but that the wearer is one of our own contributors.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Flannel? FlanNo.

Sheets, pajamas, boxers - acceptable uses of flannel.

Shirts, jackets, hats, swimsuits - unacceptable uses of flannel.

the rare breed of skech-ugg

These skech-uggs were spotted by a man who sees a lot of feet (in the running store he works in, not because he has some sort of foot fetish). This love child should have been aborted. We have already determined that many skechers are a no no, but to combine these with the equally stupid ugg is just unacceptable. Uggs are horrible on so many levels and if you are a person that wears them with your sweatpants tucked into them and have juicy written on your ass, I feel sorry for you and I will continue mocking you, both behind your back and to your face.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Flower Power Suit

It was another typical morning commute, from the burbs to downtown DC, when all of a sudden, she waltzed onto the metro. I thought that a lamp shade or some wallpaper had jumped out of an old 70’s movie. This was too good to be true. I took out my phone camera, and snapped two quick pics. I would have done a whole shoot, but was starting to get some ugly looks from fellow metro-riders who realized I was taking pictures (I couldn’t figure out how to turn off my phone’s “click” sound). I'm not sure either that my cell phone really does the color scheme justice.

As if this ensemble of a flower-print skirt suit weren’t bad enough, the pink crocs the woman is wearing throw this fashion faux pas into the stratosphere. I really hope her job has nothing to do with aesthetics, because she won’t last long.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Thursday, March 20, 2008

You shouldn't wear...

...tappered track pants with an ass like that.

Monday, March 17, 2008


Not only is this dress ugly, but it is being worn by a skeleton. She is so thin that it makes her head look really big, especially her forehead. She seems to be wearing a dress that is fashioned from tinsel and pipe cleaners and sleeves that don't attach. Do you think she asked for these to keep her warm due to her lack of body fat? Bosworth used to be so beautiful (see below for reference from her blue crush days), now I just want to give her a cookie.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

deja vu

I understand that sometimes you just don't want to think. You want to get out of bed, put something on, and walk out the door. I understand that some people are like that. It's those people that wear pajamas to school. I would talk about that right now, but I have been inspired by a fellow lab mate who has decided that it is alright to wear the same thing to work, EVERYDAY. It's really not okay. For one thing it isn't hygienic. It seems like he showers, but now completely negates it by wearing something dirty. You have to give yourself at least a day in between for pant wearing, so I think shirts must have at least 3 days hiatus or not at all.
As you can see in the picture he is wearing a sweatshirt with a button down shirt and some corduroy pants. It is bad enough that he wears cords because those probably really hold in the stench (trust me, he smells). But, what you can't see is what his sweatshirt says on the front, (I couldn't do a front view because I had to be incognito) it says Harvard. That is just the icing on the cake. Not only does he wear the same thing everyday, but he is intent on drawing attention to the fact he does so by wearing an alma mater sweatshirt.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Stupid Scarves

Vampire Weekend has recently been showing up all over the place, The NY Times, GQ, NPR, SNL, and The Jensen's Blog. That doesn't mean they're cool, or make good decisions when dressing themselves though. Their oft' mentioned boat shoes are one thing, I'd at least be willing to accept that there is a time and a place for them. Like when you get asked out on the yacht for cocktails. And that's pretty much it. There is no time or place for this scarf though, which showed up last Saturday during their set on SNL. Elton John marching in the parade still couldn't make this work, nor would he try. And if you've out done Sir Elton, I think you have made a bad decision. For you, and everybody else.

Saturday, March 8, 2008


You should never wear them. They are probably the most hideous shoes known to man. It seems like they take style elements that looked good from other shoe companies and projectile vomitted them onto a shoe. I got the picture from the "what's hot" category of their website. Um, these aren't hot. I feel a lot less hip just having downloaded this picture onto my desktop. When I think of who might possibly buy these shoes, I imagine some middle America lame soccer moms wearing these dressed up SAS shoes to watch their lame kids do something unimportant, thinking they are hot shit and "cool".
Bottom line: if you don't have the money to buy some kickass pumas or something worthy of your money, then just save up. I personally have never bought a pair of skechers and I never plan on it. Do you think that you should buy from a company that can't even spell their name right?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Holla Holla Holla

Soon, I will show you things that people should never have put on themselves.